Movie Review: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

Stars: 4 out of 5
Pros: Jokes in the second half

Cons: Slow start

The Bottom Line:

Once it gets started

This movie has Veggie fun

That the fans will love

"Copyright by Robert the Terrible.  All Rights Reserved."

Imagine a world where vegetables sail the seven seas and the most fearsome pirate is the one with arms and legs, albeit mechanical arms and legs. That's the world of the new VeggieTales film, The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.

For those unfamiliar with the franchise, VeggieTales is a series of direct to video computer animated shows for children. Each video stars singing and dancing vegetables who teach lessons right out of the Bible. But these aren't boring lessons at all. There is lots of action, funny songs, and genuine laughs along the way.

The franchise made the leap to the big screen once before with 2002's Jonah. The movie was a moderate success, but behind the scenes problems led to this movie being delayed. Fortunately, the Veggies are back to grace us with their big screen presence once again.

The movie opens in the 17th century. We are on a ship that is being captured by pirates. While brave Prince Alexander tries to fight them off, he is ultimate captured. Unfortunately, the pirates are being led by Robert the Terrible. Not only is he the king's banished brother, but he has also used mechanics to create arms and legs (well, one arm and one peg leg), making him the most fearsome pirate around. The one thing he wants most is his brother's throne, and he intends to use the prince and princess to get it.

Unfortunately for him, Princess Eloise and the butler Willory (Archibald Asparagus) have escaped capture. And they use a contraption the King has created to send a plea for help.

Fast forward to the present day. At the Pieces of Ate Dinner Theater we meet Elliot, Sedgwick, and George (Larry the Cucumber, Mr. Lunt, and Pa Grape.) They work as Cabin Boys (waiters) but long to be in the show. Unfortunately, Elliot has a list of things he is afraid of, Sedgwick is just plain lazy, and George lacks self-confidence.

And these three misfits are the ones the plea for help finds. Before they really know what is happening, they find themselves on board the ship with Willory and Princess Eloise on a quest to rescue Prince Alexander. Can they become heroes to complete the quest? Or will their flaws spell doom for everyone?

Over the years, the franchise has developed a loyal base of fans. Those fans will love seeing their favorite characters on the big screen. With the exception of the characters I mentioned, most of the familiar characters are reduced to cameos, even series co-host Bob the Tomato. Many of them do pop up throughout the movie, so be sure to keep your eyes peeled. And an interesting side note, the Grape family makes their first appearance in years, although they don't sound like they did back then.

This is probably the least overt Christian film I have seen from the Veggies ever. Frankly, that did surprise me. There are some obvious allegorical elements to the film (although you can't take things too far or you'll wind up with very bad theology). There is also a very clear moral about what it truly takes to be a hero. But for anyone who is worried about being hit over the head by Christianity, don't be.

This movie is 100% kid friendly. The sword fighting never produces any wounds. And the fearsome pirates drink Root Beer and Ginger Ale. I found this rather cute and funny myself.

Whether intentional or not, I felt the story borrowed heavily from Galaxy Quest. I happen to like that movie, so it's not a bad thing. But I certainly found it interesting.

In many ways, this movie is a tale of two halves. The first half was rather slow. It was all set up. While the entire movie was predictable, this part was especially predictable. And the laughs were fewer and farther between.

Then came the second half. The story picked up with more appearances of the logical absurd that I love about the series. As a result, the movie got funnier, too, with more jokes and more of them hitting their target. Once the movie got going, it really was good.

Since VeggieTales is produced with a lower budget then most animated movies today, the animation suffers. While certainly passable, it isn't in league with the latest from Pixar or DreamWorks. It is on par with their most recent video releases, so fans of the series will know what to expect. Additionally, you've got to accept the rules of their world. They don't have arms or legs, but yet they can still hold stuff. It's weird, but if you are willing to swallow it, you'll find it works.

One final word. When the credits start, the movie isn't really over. If you get right up and walk out, you'll miss a great surprise.

Thought it gets off to a slow start, The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything proves to be a fun film. As always, the entire family will find something to enjoy about the movie. So if you are looking for a good film for the entire family, this is a good choice.