“You’re Superman’s Best Friend?” “No, He’s My Cousin.”
I’d heard bad things about 1984’s Supergirl, but I was still curious about it. And, since it was available on one of my streaming services, I figured I should give it a chance. You know those bad things I’d heard about it? They were all true.
Our story opens in Argo City, a giant floating ship filled with refugees from Krypton. Among them is Kara-El (Helen Slater), who, when we meet her, is playing with the sphere that powers the entire ship. Shocking, it gets away from her, dooming all those on the ship unless it is retrieved from Earth, where it landed. So, Kara-El goes to retrieve it.
Unfortunately, before she lands, it is found by Selena (Faye Dunaway), a witch. It actually makes her able to do magic, so Selena wants to keep it, figuring it will help her plans to take over the world. Will Kara-El be able to find it?
This movie had so many plot holes you could have floated Argo City through each of them. Okay, so Kara-El wasn’t the one who took the sphere in the first place, but still, why would anyone do that if it is what is keeping everyone alive? Why, when Kara-El lands on Earth, did she bother taking on a secret identity since her parents and friends’ lives were dependent on her bringing the sphere back as quickly as possible? How did Selena find a way to tap into some of the Superman mythos at random? Why did Kara-El emerge from her pod in a costume so much like Superman’s?
Okay, so Kara-El’s secret identity was there to introduce us to characters from the Superman stories. Her roommate is Lucy Lane, as played by Maureen Teefy. And Lucy just happens to be dating Jimmy Olsen, as played by Marc McClure, the only actor from the Superman movies to show up here. But still, that seemed to slow down what was supposed to be a ticking clock story.
I don’t know that I feel like the plot ever made up for the plot holes. While it wasn’t quite as bad as a random series of events, it did throw in some truly random things, as if the writers really didn’t know what to do and had to fill screen time while including things Superman fans know about. Even so, you can pretty much guess where it is going early on. It’s just the details you’ll have no way of predicting.
Then there’s the acting. Most of the cast is playing things so over the top it doesn’t work. There’s fun camp, and then there’s this. The exception to this is Brenda Vaccaro who plays Selena’s sidekick with the right level of camp and sarcasm. I found her fun. I’ve seen Helen Slater in other things, most noticeably in the recent TV show Supergirl, so I know she can do a wonderful job when given good material. This wasn’t it. Same holds true for others in the cast.
Of course, the effects are dated. This came out in 1984, after all. Even then, I’ve seen better effects from that time period. Or maybe, I was just enjoying those movies more so I was more forgiving.
There’s a reason you haven’t heard much about 1984’s Supergirl. And there’s no reason to seek this out to watch it.
Helen slater was the pretty good in this film
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