Saturday, April 27, 2013

Movie Review: Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

Stars: 1 out of 5
Pros: I didn't waste money on the film.
Cons: Characters, plot, pacing...everything
The Bottom Line:
Sorry I wasted
My time.  Learn from my mistake
And skip this movie.

Confessions of a Teenage Liar?

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen was one of those movies I intended to see in the theater but never got a chance to see.  When it hit TV a few months back, I recorded and watched it.  I'm glad I got to see it for free because all I wasted was my time.

Mary Cep's (Lindsay Lohan) life has come to an end.  Her mother had decided to move the family from New York City, the center of everything, to a New Jersey suburb.  Mary just knows she will hate it.

The one good thing is she can go around and introduce herself as Lola, the name she feels really fits her.  On her first day, Mary/Lola makes a best friend in Ella (Alison Pill) when they discover they both love the same band, Sid Arthur.  But Lola quickly makes an enemy as well when she auditions for the lead in the school play.  Carla (Megan Fox) has played the lead in every school play and doesn't take kindly to the competition.

Then disaster strikes and Sid Arthur announces they are breaking up after one last concert in New York City.  Carla quickly announces she is going, and Lola just as quickly states the same.  Now, can she and Ella get tickets and permission to attend?  How will the play turn out?

The bigger question is will the viewer care.  In my case, the answer was a big resounding no.  In fact, there was hardly anything to like about the flick.

Let's start with the plot.  Even with the play and the final concert, it's pretty thin.  Very little happens.  And what happens is predictable.  Now that only bothers me if I am not having a good time watching a film.  And since that was the case here, I just spent my time wishing we had moved on to the next plot point already.

Usually in a film like this, the characters save the day.  But that's not the case here.  I actually didn't like Mary/Lola.  She spends much of the film lying to impress people.  Yes, it does come back to haunt her later, but even when it did, it didn't dramatically satisfy me.  Making matters worse, Ella comes across as a spineless because of her awe of Lola.  Fortunately, I can say that Carla is a good villain, meaning we don't like her at all.

The movie ends with selections from the school musical, Eliza Rocks, a retelling of Pygmalion set in modern day New York City.  Taken on their own, the music and dance numbers were interesting.  And it certainly fit in with the theme of the movie.  But it was pretty much filler that feels like it is there just to extend the running time of the movie.

Now I can't blame any of this on the cast.  They truly do try with the material.  In fact, I would say the performances are better than the movie warrants.  Lindsay Lohan, Alison Pill, and Megan Fox all do fine.  Carol Kane is entertaining as drama teacher Miss Baggoli.  But my favorite was Glenne Headly as Lola's long suffering mother.  I wish she'd been in more of the film.

It's too bad the great performances are trapped in a lousy movie.  Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen is definitely one to avoid.

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